The new religion of self pleasure

Ah yes the art of masturbation. Now not to be bragging or anything, but judging from the time and effort that I have put into it I have probably reached a skill level equivalent to Leonardo di Vinci. Yes, Yes, the truth comes out: I masturbate. Have masturbated. And proabably will masturbate till I can't get it up anymore and I have squandered my entire life savings on viagra. Not that big of a secret, is it. You want to know why? Becuase everyone does it. I mean seriously. All the people that read this, ask yourselves if you have ever masturbated. Guys. Girls. Its all the same thing. Its not like masturbation has been a sexist thing. If you think about the number of people that do masturbate, you would think that it really is a type of religion. Seriously, everyone does it. Doesn't matter if you're black or white. Male or female. You can even be a one legged gay transexual with little hooks as hands. Masturbation says "no" to no one. And, the thing is that people practice it religiously. People think to themselves, "Well I didn't do it yesterday, so I guess I'm overdue." If only going to church was like that instead of, "Well I didn't go last Sunday, or the Sunday before. I guess I shouldn't break the cycle and go this Sunday either." Isn't that really the case though? I mean its not like people are compelled to masturbate, it's just something people do for themselves. And what is wrong with it? Does it harm someone else, no. Does it hurt the enviornment, no. The only person you could actually harm would be yourself if you are practicing too vigorously. Also where does it say that you can't masturbate. I don't remember a commandment in the Bible saying: Thou shalt not fondle thy own goods. Nor do I remember it talked about in any of the gospels. I mean think about it. The disciples went with Jesus everywhere and thus had no time to go to their wives or girlfriends, right? So I mean they, like people everywhere, probably had the urge and most likely did it sometime on the road. But Matthew didn't write about the time Jesus walked in on him and said, "Not again Matthew! This is the third time this week! Couldn't you just wait until after I multiply the fish and we feed the crowd? Get your lazy ass back on out there!" Well either I fell asleep when we went over this in Sunday school or the Catholics decided to omit these parables for their own benefit because I sure as Hell don't remember those passages. Even in todays laws we haven't gone so far as to make masturbating illegal. Its not like activists have argued that the millions of semen held in a mans testicles can each think and reason for themselves. Yes, as far as I know it masturbation isn't outlawed in any way. But if thats true why are so many people ashamed when others know that they masturbate. Think about it, for something that isn't wrong we sure do make it seem like it is. Whenever someone says, "Hey you were in the bathroom for a rather long time." We respond with something like, "Uhh. Yea, I um... passed out from pushing too hard." Why should we be embarassed about something that everyone does? I mean everyone breathes and we don't laugh or smile when they admit it. No, I guess there must be something else that holds people back from being proud that they touch themselves. Whatever it is has not become apparent to me as of yet, but I am sure that the answer is out there. Maybe its because we are just embarassed that we can't find anyone out there that can fufill this need. If thats the case then I suggest all of you out there go get a boyfriend/girlfriend, and get married as soon as possible so you can experience the real thing instead of fucking with yourself. Not only will you get over your embarassment whenever you fufill the need, but it'll be at least ten times the fun. Trust me.